Archbishop Jason Polland - "Unceremonious End"
(BNW 023 - 2010)


To Live / Driven Mad By Beauty / Failure Adept / 泥娃娃 / Embers Ascend / Icy Moon


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UNCEREMONIOUS END

TO LIVE
Why am I still here?
I've completed all of my goals, and there's nothing left to do
Why did I come here in the first place? Mmm...
I guess to facilite personal growth
To elicit change
To believe in fantasy
To calcinate my heart
To escape my own mind
To pretend I'm not alone, and there are others
To enjoy the creations of others
To walk around in a prison of flesh
To be able to acquire limitations
To be able to fail
To feel pain
To alleviate the infinite boredom
To amuse myself
To live within my own dreams
But why do I exist... only to fall head-first into the abyss?


DRIVEN MAD BY BEAUTY
It's been so very long since I dropped off the face of the Earth
I've essentially been written off for dead
Which is fine with me, secluded away in my own reality, indefinitely
Turned my back on the world, turned my back on myself
Dissolved, dissipated, disappeared
Disappointed everyone around, but there was no one around
When I bid fare-thee-well to humanity
Though I'm floating in a void of escapism and joy, I still can't forget
My unfulfilled destiny, it isn't grandiose, but I'm not comatose
And as long as a flickering spark burns within...

Shunned as a child, but that's okay
They say living well is the best revenge
And I live very well in my cave on the edge of the world
And one of these days I might even come outside
Driven mad by the beauty I can never obtain
Held in my hand for the most fleeting of instants
Then it disappeared
And as I died a little more inside
Decrepitude crept in as I wept

I worry, I worry, I shall never attain beauty in this life
I'm ugly, so ugly, inside and out it's all I can express
Flailing grotesque, under the guise of art

Driven mad by the beauty I shall never attain
Not in this life, or the next, or the next
Driven mad by the beauty I can never obtain
Not in this life, or the next, or the next

Hiding out like a fool, yet there's so much to do
I got part of it done, and now I can relax
But no, I can't relax, because it's not all done
And so I put it off, and the weeks float by
And so I put it off, and the years float by
But what if it all ends when my work is complete?
Should I do it all at once, or drag it out for years?
Should I take a hundred years, should I take a thousand years, should I take a million years?

Can't possess it, can't repress it
Can do not but obsess it
In my hole in the wall in a pit beneath a rock in my grave in the center of the Earth somewhere near Hell


FAILURE ADEPT
Vines slowly entangle my outstretched limbs
Moss creeps up my coattails
The brim of my hat warps and wrinkles
Should I go? I'm not sure...
Roots cover my feet, twisting through my shoelaces
Dust accumulates, leaves pile upon me and crumble into soil
Gradually, in my indecision, I sink underground
Shall I visit her after all? I'm not sure...
Fruit piles atop me, rots away, leaving seeds
Which sprout to start the process again, and again, and again
And I still cannot decide
The fine garments of yesteryear are now rotting rags
Tattered, clinging to my gaunt frame
Decayed, along with my decisive capacity
So I wait and wonder, should I visit or not?
I dearly wish to see her once more, but she said she never wanted to see me again
Furthermore, she called me creepy
Me...? CREEPY?!

How long can a corpse cheat death?
How long can a fatal will be resisted?
How sad to leave behind so much trash, and so little treasure
The artistic process: excavation of garbage, quit when a gem is finally found
How many more times can one delude one's self into false happiness?
Time's up! Six months to oblivion
Decapitate one's self with honor
Every single thing I do is just a way to kill time
Until eventually, time kills me
But is it art?
Suicide through inactivity
Why do I want to destroy myself thusly?
Why do I kill myself, over and over, endlessly?
You'd think I'd know better by now

Futility - Holy Animal Duality
Platypus - Octopus dichotomy
Euphonomania is the destiny
Tenuous grip on reality
The Platypus appeared to me when I was two
Said, "We're both oddities, here's what you must do"
"Follow your path of individuality, at all costs retain your identity!"
The Octopus appeared and said, "Happiness is fake"
Tempted me to sleep in the bottom of a lake
Shrouded my vision in inky black
"This won't hurt a bit, just relax, lie back"


NI WA WA
(traditional)


EMBERS ASCEND
Embers of incinerated dreams swarming toward the sky
As the house succumbs to flame, forfeits the race against time
No one left to tend the gardens, no one left to mend the drains
Alone with one final task: stoking the flames

Ah, the burden of heirlooms lifted at last, by a thousand glowing fireflies!

Eleven generations in meticulous paint
Slowly bubble and rise to meet the Saints
Embers of incinerated dreams swarming toward the sky
Staring into the dark abyss, the immortal soul doth cry

Calcination of each generation, canons curl and blacken
Artifacts of past lives washed away in flame
Curious obsessions, and prized possessions, blasted in the furnace of oblivion

Fearful at first, to part with a lifetime of ancestral remains
But as he was bathed in the blazing heat, nothing could harm him
And for the first time in his life, he was free


ICY MOON
Cold, cold void
Sad, sad heart
Floating silent in the dark
No-where for me is there a place
Tiny grain of nothing in endless space

Icy Moon, oh Icy Moon
Floating aimless through the void
For you have lost your Star
Your frozen silence drew me in, that I may rest at last
You are now my home
I travelled for so very long, floating from Star to Star

Icy Moon, oh Icy Moon
Perfect sphere of solitude
Oceans of sparkling sand
Nitrogen pools wash away my woes, ribs sifting Salts of the past
You are now my home

Icy Moon, oh Icy Moon
As I stroll each day to contemplate the Grand Arcanum
The beauty of the Celestial panorama is matched only
By the innumerable crystalline droplets faintly glittering across your barren surface

Icy Moon, oh Icy Moon
Floating aimless through the Void
For you have lost your star
Craters filled with ancient dust, sadly deprived of life
You are now my home
Neither of us has known a friend since the beginning of time
Now we two are one



All Materials Copyright 1995-2010 Jason Polland.

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